Late-Night Hosts Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

Late-night's leading entertainers devoted their broadcast ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's recently launched immigration initiative, called the "Trump card," portraying it as a obvious cash-for-residency scheme for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday tune about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... destroys each thing he touches."

The subject was the new program that enables foreign nationals to purchase U.S. legal status for an investment of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" version for $5 million. A government page guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"A brief note for you to affluent foreigners: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the program is also intended to "extract cash" from firms wanting to hire foreign workers, with significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – if it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The most thorough vetting the government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants completely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit rich international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"It might be time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping approval ratings amid economic worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing right-leaning news coverage of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.